Facing An Unwanted Divorce

Can A Judge Order Counseling? Kingwood Area Divorce Attorney

Facing An Unwanted Divorce

When Divorce is Unexpected

Some painful life events are expected. Deep down, we expect to bury our parents. Everyone knows their spouse might be the first to pass on. Some, as their marriage remains in trouble, think about divorce. Others are shocked when their spouse decides to divorce. Part of what makes divorce so painful is that it’s unexpected, even at the deepest level. People expect to remain married for life.

When people first marry it takes time to adjust to the idea of spending their life with their spouse. Over time, the marital status becomes part of who they are. They are naturally half of an “and.”

Switching from “and” to single when you don’t want a divorce is more difficult when you must interact with your spouse. For most, it’s too much to suddenly be litigating against the person with whom they thought they would spend their life. The law ends marriages in the same forum and with the same rules used for business lawsuits and car wrecks, a courtroom. Court is fine for lawsuits between businesses or to determine the cause of an injury. It’s not great for ending a marriage.

Divorce is More Permanent than Marriage

An irony of the law is that divorce is easier than marriage. A marriage is intact as long as both want it. Two people must agree to remain married. One alone may seek a divorce. Even though one spouse may unilaterally end the marriage, the process is hard. Divorce is difficult.

No Reasonable Expectation of Reconciliation

Courts do not force people to remain married. A spouse who doesn’t want a divorce can delay it, but ultimately, if one wants a divorce, it will be granted. Texas Family Code 6.001 allows a divorce if the marriage is insupportable and there’s no reasonable expectation of reconciliation. If a spouse testifies there is no way to live together as a married couple, the divorce will be granted. Whether the other spouse agrees does not matter.

Sixty Day Waiting Period

A divorce may not be granted in Texas unless the case has been on file at least 60 days. This only matters with agreements. The only way to get a divorce decree ready in 60 days is if both spouses agree on everything. Even when both want a divorce, unless they agree about all the property, debts and children, the 60-day waiting period doesn’t matter. This short cooling off period is usually not enough for the spouse requesting the divorce to have a change of heart.

Court Ordered Counseling

Texas Family Code 6.505 allows a judge to order marriage counseling. The counselor must provide their opinion about whether there is a reasonable expectation of reconciliation and whether more counseling would be beneficial. The judge chooses the counselor. If more counseling is ordered, the divorce is put on hold for no more than 60 days. After that, the divorce continues.

Judges rarely order counseling. A person can be ordered to sit in a counselor’s office, but nobody can be forced to stay married or participate in therapy. Marriages fail even when both spouses want counseling; if one is there by force, it’s pointless. Remember, a Judge may only order counseling after a divorce has been filed. If it’s ordered by a Judge, then a spouse opposed it. This means a spouse paid a divorce lawyer and filed for divorce. The other requested counseling and it was refused, so a motion was filed. Now, both are in court for a hearing, paying lawyers. If the spouse seeking divorce is that adamant, counseling will be a waste of time and money.

Delaying the Divorce

Delaying a divorce on the belief that with time the spouse seeking to end the marriage will realize their mistake and reconcile is costly and ineffective. A lawyer may not simply delay litigation for the sake of delay. But a party cannot be forced to agree to anything. Without an agreement, the court will set a case for trial. Attorneys must prepare for trial throughout the case. That costs money. It depletes the marital estate and prolongs the stress of being in a divorce. Rarely does that stress and depletion of the estate lead to reconciliation. It usually increases resentment and anger.

Dealing with the Divorce

The best option when facing an unwanted divorce is to find a licensed counselor to help with the adjustment, and an experienced lawyer to help with the law. Religious people can benefit from regular conversations with a cleric. Explain to the lawyer you do not want the divorce, and discuss the legal and ethical options. Ask the lawyer about the increased costs of delay.

Make Notes of what your Lawyer Says

Make careful notes about what you must do and ask the lawyer to reiterate your tasks in email. There is much to remember and do in divorce litigation. The stress, fear and anger that goes with ending a marriage makes it hard to remember everything you must provide the lawyer. Writing it down helps.

Do Not Ignore the Divorce

Ignoring the divorce will increase the cost and lead to an unfavorable result. A therapist can help with the emotions so you can focus on the work. Everything the spouses own and owe must be listed. Children must be cared for. The court will impose a timeline (a “scheduling order”) including a trial date. Mediation must be conducted before trial. Being prepared is as essential as in any other lawsuit. The only way to do all these is to manage emotions with professional help.

Gather Information

In practical terms, the most important thing when facing divorce is to gather information about both parties’ finances and debt. List all accounts, including full names, account numbers and passwords. Compile statements of account for all financial accounts and debts.

Evidence about children is not going away and can be gathered later as necessary. Most evidence regarding children is held by schools, medical providers and the parents. If the other parent refuses to disclose evidence, they cannot use it in court so if they withhold photos, medical or educational records, they cannot use them.

A spouse might benefit by refusing to disclose financial information. Obtaining financial information from a spouse who won’t disclose it is expensive, stressful and time-consuming. It requires hearings with a judge and subpoenas to financial institutions and employers. When facing a divorce, whether wanted or not, gather account names, numbers, balances and passwords; and save statements.

Moving On

Although divorce is painful and disrupts lives, people flourish afterward. Find a therapist and an experienced lawyer. If religious, speak with a cleric. Gather as much as possible about finances and debts; and move forward a day at a time.



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Kingwood, Huffman, Lake Houston, Atascocita, Humble, Oakhurst, Walden, Walden Woods, Walden on Lake Houston, East FM 1960, The Woodlands, Fall Creek, Eagle Springs, Lakeshore, Silverlake, Redstone, Summerwood, Eagle Lake, West Lake Houston Parkway, The Heights, Greater Heights, Houston Heights, Downtown Houston, Memorial, Allen Parkway, Montrose, Houston Neartown, Houston Midtown and East Montgomery County.

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Steve KokotasSteve Kokotas

02:01 06 Aug 24
High integrity, smart, and hard working. You want Brian McNamara on your side.

Macie SheppardMacie Sheppard

14:43 05 Aug 24
I cannot express enough how grateful I am for the incredible support and guidance I received from McNamara Law Office. They truly care about their clients and go above and beyond to achieve the best outcomes! Highly recommend!

Stephen SpeesStephen Spees

18:34 13 May 24
Brian, Amanda, and Renee provided excellent guidance and legal support when it was most needed. I highly recommend their timely and professional services.

Lele ShahimLele Shahim

17:37 09 May 24
I wanted to take a moment to express my gratitude for your exceptional work. Your dedication and efficiency have not gone unnoticed, and I truly appreciate your commitment to excellence. Thank you for consistently delivering quality results in such a timely manner!! Mr. McNamara finished my paperwork in 2 days and I appreciate all the support I got from everyone in the office!! Thank you All !!

Karen QuinnKaren Quinn

22:10 25 Apr 24
McNamara Law Office is exceptional andincredibly attentive and detail-oriented, making sure every aspect of my case was thoroughly addressed. Their professionalism and dedication to my case were outstanding, and I felt supported and well taken care of throughout the entire process. I am grateful for their expertise and would not hesitate to turn to them for future legal matters.

Cathy QuinnCathy Quinn

14:05 24 Apr 24
An amazing, knowledgeable and professional team. I highly recommend McNamara Law Office.

Douglas JonesDouglas Jones

01:18 24 Apr 24
These people are amazing. They are helping my family through the worst event of our lives and I really couldn’t ask for a higher degree of professionalism and care. They are razor sharp and completely transparent about cost as much as possible.They are not cheap and there are no guarantees but I believe they are absolutely worth it.You get what you pay for.

Christan SetterboChristan Setterbo

14:04 29 Jun 23
Aaron has helped guide us through one of the most trying and difficult times in my family’s life. Throughout this entire journey Aaron has remained realistic, professional, and has truly cared about our families needs. Aaron was able to help us settle our case in mediation while giving us peace of mind. The professionalism and organization of The McNamara Law Firm was superb! Paralegal J. Gama always held her self in a professional, courteous and educated manner. We are truly grateful for their help and guidance. We will definitely choose Aaron again should we need to seek legal counsel in the future.

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